The Science of Attraction: How Your Hairstyle Affects First Impressions on Dates

Here’s something you probably haven’t seen coming: when you first meet someone, you have about seven seconds to make a lasting impression on that person that determines nearly all of his future perceptions of you throughout the interaction. Seven seconds. Less amount of time it takes to tie your shoe.

And during those critical moments, your hair will be doing a lot more of the heavy lifting than you ever imagined.

Through decades of studying human behavior, and having worked with millions of people worldwide, here’s what I know for sure—your hair is not simply dead strands of protein sitting on your head. It is a mechanism of communication. A billboard, if you will. A story you are telling before you ever open your mouth.

Let me take you through some of the science, to help you understand why this is so important especially when you are sitting across from someone on a first date, hoping to make a connection with energy- which can radically change your life.

Your Brain on Hair: The Real Neurological Picture

Your date’s brain is computing about 10 times faster than any supercomputer available on this planet. Within milliseconds of seeing you, their amygdala (the almond shaped cluster of neurons that is responsible for processing emotions), start lighting up like Times Square. 

After it has had time to scan: thrills, opportunities, possibly mates.

Research from Princeton University shows that we judge people for impression of their trustworthiness, competence, attractiveness in one-tenth of a second. One-tenth of a second!. And the funny thing about it is, those impressions do not easily change from that moment on, even with prolonged exposure.

Your hair rests in the middle of the neural storm.

Dr. Marianne LaFrance’s work at Yale University has shown that hair has a tremendous effect on the personality traits that one perceives. The subjects of her studies invariably judged those with styled and cared-for hair to be more confident, successful and friendly than those with untidy and improperly styled hair, even though all other factors were the same.

The reason? Your brain uses something called “heuristics,” or mental shortcuts, to enable it to quickly arrive at decisions. When your date sees your styled and healthy hair, his mind immediately registers you as someone who has their life in order. Someone taking care of themselves. Someone well worth getting to know.

The Evolutionary Blueprint

Let’s tumble back several hundred thousand years. You ancestors were not swiping right or left; they were needed to make immediate decisions about who would be best to mate with, survive with, and build a future life with.

Hair provided a biological résumé. Shiny, thick hair meant health, youth and genetic worthiness. Damaged, thin or prematurely grey hair often meant illness, stress, or lack of nutrition. Not conscious thoughts, these are the instincts that were hardwired into the human operating system for survival.

Evolutionary psychologists such as Geoffrey Miller maintain that hair is a fitness indicator, that is, a costly signal that cannot be faked. You can’t fake healthy hair overnight. It takes a long time to achieve health, proper nutrition and the genes. The DNA writes itself right into the hair.

Today, although we are not dodging predators, and running for berries, these things are still wired in and fire. When your date looks at your hair, the same algorithm is running in the brain as when your ancestor first saw that your hair: can this person provide? Will any offspring be healthy? Can I trust this person?

The Chemical Cascade of Attraction.

Now we get to the really fun part! When someone thinks you are attractive, which your hair figures heavily in, their brain becomes flooded with a neurochemical cocktail that would make any pharmacist green with envy. Dopamine, the so-called reward neurotransmitter, floods the scene when they see an attractiveness in any of your physical characteristics. This elicits that wonderful euphoric feeling we call attraction! But here is what most do not realize; Dopamine does not just make one feel good. It heightens focus and attention. Your date literally becomes more attentive to everything you say and do when his/her dopamine system has been alerted. 

Next is the oxytocin hormone (the bonding hormone).Physical phenomena, hair included, release oxytocin, producing feelings of trust and bonding. Research at Claremont Graduate University shows that when someone feels physically attracted to another, his or her oxytocin levels may rise as much as 50%. Thus, your coif is not decoration but biochemistry!

Psychology of Color and Shape

Let us turn to specifics. The color of your hair entails specific psychological factors that your companion may pick up without realizing it. Studies reported in the Journal of Social Psychology tell us that dark hair is associated with the attributes of being serious, intellectual and dependable. If you have dark hair, you will probably send out a subconscious message denoting efficiency and dependableness. In the case of blonde hair, other relationships take place: youthfulness, approachableness and vitality. Numerous studies show that blonde hair is rated as more attractive in initial acquaintance than other hair colors but after personality enter most people's consideration, hair color effects fade very much so. The case of red head? You rare lady! Only about 2% of population has red hair. Research shows redheads are seen as more distinctive, memorable and passionate. You’re literally unforgettable.

But color is only one thing. The shape and style of your hair creates what researchers call “silhouette effects.” Women’s long, flowing hair has been consistently rated as more attractive across cultures because it signals femininity and health. Short, wellket men’s hair often denotes masculinity, confidence and professionalism.

Facial framing matters enormously. Hair that is cut in a way that softens the angles of the face is more attractive universally because it draws attention to the features — particularly the eyes — which are the most expressive parts of the face.

Texture Tells a Story

Run your fingers through your hair right now. What does it feel like?

The texture conveys volumes. Shiny, smooth hair is often viewed as a sign of good health and energy. On the other hand, damaged or brittle strands tend to reflect stress or neglect in personal care. Remember, your date’s more primitive brain is still wrapped up in those primitive algorithms.

A study out of the University of California found subjects did a remarkably good job at guessing a certain person’s stress levels and state of general health just by looking at the texture and quality of the hair. These subjects weren’t consciously thinking about anything — they just “knew.”

This is important because when you are with an individual on a date, that person is asking himself a basic question: “Would this person take care of me in the way he or she takes care of themselves?” Your hair, alone, answers that question before you go on to negotiating an appetizer order. The Maintenance Message

I’ve noticed one thing during my work with thousands of individuals: the more work one puts into physical appearance, the more one appreciates the importance of the interaction.

When one meets a date with recently done hair, he sends a very strong signal: “This matters to me. You matter to me.” That signal is delivered on a subconscious level and is responsible for the entire ensuing interaction.

Research done at the University of Maryland shows that men who feel their date has worked on appearance give the entire date experience 37% better ratings than those who think their date is non-preening.

Your hair style is the evidence of intention.

The Feedback Loop of Confidence

In psychology, we have a term “enclothed cognition”—that is, the clothing and other personal property of the individual affects his thoughts and behavior. The same is true of the hair. When one knows his hair looks great, his confidence soars. He makes better eye contact. His posture is improved. He smiles more readily.

The most beautiful thing of all is that confidence is attractive. REALLY attractive. Experiments reveal again and again that people rate confident individuals as more attractive physically than less confident people, even when objective measures of physical beauty are the same.

Your beautiful hair creates confidence. That confidence makes you more attractive. Your date responds positively. Your confidence grows. It is the virtuous cycle that starts with a dead protein.

The Importance of Authenticity

Before you consider going for a bold yellow dye job or shaving it all off, let me emphasize what truly matters: authenticity is key.

The object is NOT manipulation or trickery. The object of the date set is to project the most justifiable identifier of self to self. The hair do should be a partial amplification of what is, rather than a false identity or non-identity.

Research done by neuroscientist Paul Zak reveals that it is a stunning accuracy in perception of lack of authenticity that people have. When there is incongruency between the Identifier of Self and the Identifier of Self, there is thereby created in the observer what psychologists call “cognitive dissonance.” That is, something is “off” and something is wrong. But the observer can’t tell you what it is.

The most attractive hair do is the current most interesting hair do (as that is the current soap) but rather the one that fits the self, feeling just like self but better.

The Touch Factor

Here is something no one mentions: touchability is important. We are tactile creatures. We like to touch things that are soft and smoot and pleasant.

Research will show that one of the subconscious thoughts of attraction is whether or not we would want to touch the individual. Hair has a great deal to do with this. Healthy well-manicured hair is no great inhibition toward that urge toward touch for connection.

Of course touching a person’s hair on a first date is very much on the inside of the lines, but the fact that there is a subconscious urge to so touch gives a greater rating of attraction. A person may not touch another’s hair. But he is thinking about it, and that thinking contributes to chemistry.

Make It Work For You

So what do you do with this information?

Start by being real honest about your current hair situation.

Does it represent the person you aspire to be? Does it look and feel the way you want it to for those special occasions in your life?

Choose a hairstyle that works with your natural texture and fits your face type. Consult a good hairstylist who understands facial measurements, and can recommend haircuts that enhance the attractiveness of your features.

Also, remember to care for your hair’s health. Use good products; have frequent trims, and protect your hair from damage. For good health of the hair is always a lasting indication of vigor and well-being.

You can’t doctor that with hairspray and a hairdryer.

Most important is a style you feel unstoppable in. That internal change lashes outwards and becomes more attractive than any one particular cut or color could ever be.

Your next date begins as soon as you walk through that door. make those first seven seconds count. Your hair is already signaling a certain story—make sure it is the one you want ’em to hear.